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Friday, October 26, 2001 -
Nikki and I broke up. Shortest relationship I've had, a little less than a week. It was just so Weird. Wasn't meant to be. Just... that strange weirded out emotion. She assured me that we're still gonna go to prom... ; ) That really is the kind of relationship we have, and should have. Went to Cotillion. Go to prom. Hang out. It's a way old friends relate.
I wonder if Caroline will remember me this year for Cotillion. She'd be wasting a vote, (I don't think I'd go to the invitation only dance if I was invited, just cause I had enough of that last year) but it would be nice to be recognized. It's so sweet, Caroline's going with Luke. Caroline's such a fuck'n dork. It's what makes her special, and what Hannah doesn't see.
She has fun with herself, even if she streesses herself out way too much in the process.

I called Cara and talked to her for a while. Our relationship is so undefined. It's not forced, but not's not wholly natural. Whatever that means. She's been repressing way too much; I just get a little disappointed when she won't open up and is just so reserved. We don't talk on any level of intimacy, though we sometimes talk about things I wouldn't generally tell strangers. I take that back. I think we both just talk on a level of knowing; telling relatively personal things to someone we don't really know makes us feel in control, or relateable, or something. I'll think up the word. We don't have the conversations Sabrina and I have; we commiserate more than anything. just knowing. Part of it is that we only really talk in public places where the walls really do have ears. Or her friends. I'm relatively sure she doesn't relate to many of them on that level. I've only really known Cara dear for a few months, so I don't blame her at all for not discussing things on a fully "real" level. It's just that sometimes I wanna dig in with a scalpel and figure out what's goin on in there.

I used to be so much better at figuring people out.

My streetcar's free baby. Nick sure hated Alana. Definitely a personality clashthere. She was so so bored by Natalie's and Nick's martial arts talk... she goes "high stance? low stance? i thought they only had one kind!" And yet... She's not really a ditz. Is she? She actually seems to be quite intelligent. Strong personality, perhaps. Nah... Alana left her shoes at my house and they're freaking my mother out cause they're sixinch platforms and glittery blue. It scared me the first time I saw that pool shark surface. Is that a bad thing? I'm still not sure, but I don't think so. It just means more chaos. I can enjoy that.

How'm I gonna balance that hotline and shotokahn and homework? I need to talk to her about what happens if I need to stop after they've trained me. Seems like a pretty big corporation to screw over accidentally if I can't fulfill thier expectations. And that wouldn't be very nice now anyway, would it? ::shrugsshoulders::

And I'd need a car..




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